271204 Monday

[Mood: Tired]

ms tay's evil! i don't like her! fuggly fussy nonsensical idiot. arghs! she's easy to hate, almost impossible to like.






by the way, although cashew-nut didn't do anything bad to me. it's my fault. but for she has taken something i want, i feel like throwing her out of the window.

[jerina]
we'll look gothic to spite ms tay!

[chamayne]
we all miss you! you're mine when school reopen. no excuses. hehe.

[sarah]
hey. miss you alot. when can we hang out again? i'm not sure if i can go to the class outing. go have fun okay? :)

[you know who]
take care. 'cos joanna's dead.





.eggs.

[Mood: Bored]

first of all, i would like to wish all of you a very merry Christmas!

241204``* =]
i woke up at around 12 that day. when i went down, saw mummy brewing soup for that night's carolling group. yummylicious. anyways, time flies. soon it's like, night and stuff. and at around 10, the people came. oh ya, speaking of this, it's so unfair! it's like there are no youths carolling at my house. it's so unfair! but well, it's alrights. ate macaronni (how do i spell that?) and some logcakes. after they left, mummy and i waited till 12 to open our gifts. alot of chocolates! (hehe. psst psst.) at a later time, yisin and veron came to my house (grace was supposed to come too; but her mum doesn't allow her to). we didn't really do anything except sitting around and talk and played with jojo. after they left, i watched tv with mum till we both fell asleep. by the way, do you notice i didn't include jeremy and joshua's name in this entry? well, they didn't exactly celebrate christmas with us - they were spending time with MAPLE. dammit.

251204*_______ =]]]
woke up at around 11. and the first thing i saw is jeremy hogging onto the computer playing maple. i then went down, saw grandma chopping some stuff. carrots? then i watched tv. finished one box of chocolates. washed dishes. went up, begged germ to let me use dad's computer. obviously he doesn't allow. so here i am using germ's computer, with joshua playing with my gameboy. will be going out later for this christmas gathering with my "family", mr Goh, my mum, the chimes people...

25 dec 2004~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO jr.eUnIcE
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU`* =]

25 dec 2004~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO aMoS(yEo)
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU`* =]







.stars.

231204 Thursday

[Mood: Exhausted]

woke up at 5.30 today and went to meet the 4 musketeers, pris and grace. but it turned out that pris couldn't make it and that grace was not informed. anyways, the 4 musketeers and i then went to have our breakfast. i felt odd, i have to admit. it's like a torn between the bushes. but it's alright i guess.
went to school after that. we were 15 minutes late. ms tay's rather angry, but nah, we're not the least affected by her foul mood. i then changed into my tee and went to the bus. we had our warm ups in the bus; it's weird. when we reached vch, we didn't even have time to practice and just ran through the three chorus. the bad thing about this whole vch thing is that the heels we wore were like high and pointed. my feet's rather squarish, thus it hurt badly. till now my last toe's very red and swollen. i hope the nail doesn't crack.
for the whole day i was either with grace(tan) or grace(lim). by the way, band's totally awesome! okay. back to the grace thing. had a fun time with grace(lim), but actually i totally wanted to be with 'her'. but guess after another girl comes into the picture, i was just striked off. if they say i was the one not being with them, they can give a second thought about this - even if i were there, would they even care about me? usually they would just walk together, with me striding behind. actually i can't really blame them - both were the "high ranking" people in the committee, and they have towork together and stuff. but can she just throw me away? there's no way i could tell her how i felt. i don't want to pull them both down. besides, what can they do? what will they think? "joanna's just a girl who wants attention from us."
she kept telling me i'm her bestest best friend. but is that really true? does she tell the same to another girl? who knows? they do things without telling me, making me feel like a fool. today after we were released, she and the other girl just went off like that, without even telling me or simply say goodbye. it really hurts - especially when she's your best friend. but i think i should just "get used to it", her favourite phrase, and get on with my life. or maybe i should "share" my best friend with others. i feel neglected. all my good friends' belonged to other people already. that's my fate.
alrights. i should stop ranting about my sad relationship with my buddies. now's the happy part - went to lot1 - again, with grace(tan), baobao, and meixiu. we bought some hairpins and clips (for opus!) and then just window shopped a little. afterlike 2 shops, grace(tan) and baobao went home, leaving me and meixiu. we then shopped for earrings. i totally love thisjunior of mine! she totally click with me.
went home after that and saw some regenites at westmall selling some tickets. i'm already broke! but just bought it anyway.
sigh. i miss the old days when scj^2 were still together, hanging out and stuff. i just miss them.







.i am just crap.

liars

[Mood: Empty]

usually close friends; or even hi-bye friends say they would be there whenever we needed them. but when i need them what do they say? "oh... i'm so sad for you. are you okay? ..." (obviously no), "... -sigh- oh hey! i can't talk any more longer - my bill's exploding already. take care okay? bye. -hangs up the phone-" (yaya, whatever). or they would just give you the cold glare and say, "okay. what do you want me to do. do you think you're the only person in the entire universe who have problems? i'm full of that shit already. get the hell out off my butt." or even worser. "eh, i don't reply unimportant stuff." (and hey! she is my best best friend (or maybe 'was'), and she waste her 900 free sms on her guy). hello liars. back off when you don't mean what you say.












.you know i am not kidding.

201204 Monday

[Mood: Happy]

whoa. today's so great. practice stopped at one. aww. jer's not feeling well and didn't turn up today. miss her alot. oh yea, back to the topic why today's great. practice's so fun! sop and alt were like challenging each other whose group has got the loudest voice. and yay! sop won (though we had lesser people). we met up with the band people too. whoa. they were awesome. love yaqing's flute! anyways, went to lot1 after the practice. ate fish. then we went christmas shopping with pris, xueting, meixiu, lingquan, shiqi, stefany, and grace(lim). then we took neoprints. it's so funny okay! we kept discussing what kind of pose we want. after that we went to look for mascara, gloss and eye shadow for opus. but in the end we didn't buy any. went home after that.







.coins.

191204 Sunday

[Mood: Tired]

i thought i would be doing that whatever-thing-i-do-in-the-toilet-whenever-i-am-depressed thing. but no. instead, i kept watching tv like nothing had happened. yea, that should be the way.

181204``~ =]
woke up at around 11, walked around the house. talked to dad. he sounded bored. he bought me lunch, and i ate it at around 12. after that i did my sit-ups. lied on the bed, watched tv. fell asleep. woke up at around 1.30. felt like a pig. after that i forgot what i've done. then i went to church for the peihwa thing. it was nice. and i really like the school - there's aircon in the hall. and my ex-teachers remember me! ms koh, ms ang, hong lao shi... etc. wee. went school-touring with the rest. had fun. and their gifts were lousy - left over 2003 caps and tees by some weird sponsorship. went to church's christmas night after that. it was totally lousy. luckily mindy was there to keep me entertained; she was direct-translating and doing whatever actions the speaker is doing. we can't stop laughing. and the 2 guys behind were like cursing and swearing. speaking of this - i hate hokkein vulgarities. went home after that.

191204 todayy** =[[[
went to church at 9. had choir rehearsal. my mum kept quarreling with me. sometimes i really can't stand her. then we sang for 10am service. it's totally fun. after that i went for service. sat alone at the back of the hall, feeling kinda bored. today we had baptism. and the kids were so adorable. after that stelly, ally, grace, ginny and i stayed behind to wait for the other peeps who were practicing for caroling. but yea, as usual, i left early. met up with my parents and josh and went home. after we changed, we went to grandma and grandpa's lawn. and that grave-grass-cutter-man (or whatever you call him) didn't trim the grass on my grandma's lawn. we waited for him to arrive, and we wasted quite some time (jeremy's getting so frustrated already). after that we went to jurong to eat. and we went home, watched 'huan zhu ge ge III'. then we set up the christmas tree. played with jojo. watched catwoman on dvd. and then here i am. yawn.

there's combine rehearsal tomorrow with the band people. and i have to wake up at 7.30! arghs. wish me luck, and don't miss me too much!

19 dec 2004~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO wAnTiNgX
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU`* =]










.or is it you.

I'M AN IDIOT. A TOTAL LOSER!

i'm such a loser. why am i upset about these stuff? haven't mummy told me already that nobody will be my best friend except Jesus? then why am i crying over stewwpitt stuff? besides, since i've chosen not to escape and to face the problem, then why am i backing away? loser, loser, loser.

it's baddd - i've always reminded myself not to be an idiot and should exclude certain stuff out of my life such that i won't feel like a total NUT. then why am i doing all these? i should just shut away from everything.

now i'm like hating everyone (since 2.00pm). GO AWAY.

note: joanna ying ng aka. spirit89, as for the [J*] and the [E*] thing, shut the hell up - it's not you. never. so STOP DREAMING, FAGHEAD.










.loser.

bitch

bitch
noun;
A female canine animal, especially a dog.
Offensive.
A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing.
A lewd woman.
A man considered to be weak or contemptible.

A bitch is a female dog (any kid on the playground can tell you that) or a female human who, like a dog, will whimper, growl and occasionally bite back. When someone calls a woman a bitch, the message is that she is straying from the quiet, obedient, "feminine" ideal. She is uppity--and needs to be controlled.
First used to describe lady dogs in 1000 A.D., "bitch" was applied to humans about 400 years later. The term has endured the test of time and is still a big favorite for putting a woman in her place. The modern twist is applying it to men. A male bitch is seen as "womanish": weak, whiny and submissive (and more than likely gay).
Like some other really sharp putdowns, "bitch" has been picked apart lately in an effort to remove its sting. In the early '90s, for instance, riot grrl bands like Bikini Kill and Huggy Bear scrawled the word on their skin, screamed it out in song and openly embraced other "bitchy" behaviors, like shouting at their fans. They gave "bitch" its own ironic twist in an attempt to "reclaim" it.
Around the same time, with male hip-hop artists like N.W.A. calling women bitches and hos in their rhymes, female hip-hop artists worked their own magic to diffuse the bitch bomb--most notably Queen Latifah, who demanded to know: "Who you callin' a bitch?" Lil' Kim turned the word on its head once again and proclaimed HERSELF the "Queen Bitch."





.hehe bitch.

171204 Friday

[Mood: Happy]

just came back from camp. it was fun, but distracting. i must've been thinking too much. i'm such a snob. i thought it was me. but i guess i was wrong.

141204`~ =]
first day of camp. after we assembled, we had our first rehearsal - it's kinda boring, and i was so tired. i could die. after that we had lunch - weird chicken. after that awful lunch we continued our rehearsal. then we played captain's ball and some guessing game (and people get bombed as forfeit. hehe.) the committee lost! nooooo. dinner that day's bad. weird chicken - again. did some recording that day and had karaoke. can i sleep? oh yea, and night's terrible - the campers were like making so much noise. i couldn't sleep. guess on that day i lost my temper - i yelled at them. i shouldn't have done that - no matter what they're my juniors. my mates. that night i cried. i'm not sure why but it just came.

151204*`` =]]]]
alrights. day two. we people were supposed to wake up at 7.30, but the campers woke up at five. FIVE! i think they are crazy. i'm deaf when i'm sleeping - that's why their heavy footsteps on the wooden floorboard and their shoutings didn't wake me up. the maddest thing is this - while i was sleeping, someone stepped on my hand. ouch. that's when i woke up (it was around 6.45 then). after that i couldn't sleep anymore, and i was so tired. horrible. terrible. vegetable. after the wash up and stuff we played this game 'kidnapping'; the campers have to find the committee members (who were all hiding) and get their signatures. but before they can get it, they have to fulfil whatever tasks set before them by the com'. baobao, pris, jer and i were hiding at the corner behind the wall next to the art room. actually we were not found but while baobao was picking up a call on her cell, she accidentally squeezed the packet of green tea she was holding and grace(tan) saw water squirting out from behind the wall, and thus she (and her teammates, of course) found us. baobao and i stayed and gave them tasks, whilst jer and pris ran away (lol. so fast, huh). i asked them to count the stairs from the first to the third level. i don't mean to be sadistic, but it's fun to see them running so much just to get my signature. =X after the game we went for lunch - weird chicken again. then we had another rehearsal. this time i enjoyed it - grace(tan), lingquan, and i were like singing like some crazy idiots and joking away. it's really fun. after that rehearsal, we had a surprise game - WATER BOMB, which i didn't play 'cos of my injury (which was caused when i fell during captain's ball) and jer and i went to bathe instead. and by the way, guess what's for dinner? bingo - weird chicken. after that weird dinner, we had another rehearsal, and watched a movie 'sea biscuit' after that. it's about this horse (whose name's the title) bla bla bla. it shows us determination. "don't take a life just because it's got a little bang." as you've guessed - it's sleeping time. this time it was neat. and i fell asleep pretty quickly.

161204``~ ^-^v
went to east coast that day for some team work kind of thing (building sand castles). but before building those sandy stuff, we played frisbee. and the committee lost again! args. i was so drowned in my car sickness (also together with my stupid running nose, sore throat, and that forever phlegm that keeps jamming in the middle of my throat) that i couldn't stand anything. ate fishball after all that sandy stuff and got back to school to change for esplanade concert. the band people were there. and the prefects were there too (they had their camp on that day)! saw mayne, chatted with her for a while before i leave for esplanade, and she for her prefects whatever. HAD THIS STUPID HEADACHE. guess it's caused by my flu. but after i took the panadol, i felt much, much, much better. and by the way, ms tay wouldn't allow me to get medicine from school (some MOE law), and had to call mom to ask if she allowed me to take that medication (and of course mummy said i could). the concert was SO boring, practically everyone slept. jer and i was like trying to keep awake but fell asleep eventually. by the way, 2hours of organ and violin is boring. i was only awoken when the organ suddenly PIANG. i nearly screamed. but of course i kept my image. =X went back to school after that and had our very, very, very late dinner. don't worry, no weird chicken this time (the prefects got them instead. haha!). we got pizza. after all that, i wished mayne, nad, taufik, lgy, grace and joce goodnight and went up. before we sleep, i went to talk to j (i was assigned to counsel her about her whatever attitude). i came to realize how terrible people felt being known as 'the counselled one'. she told me alot of stuff i didn't know, yep i'm pretty shocked and a little upset. but it's alright. :) after all that, we girls stayed in our room and chatted till 2plus. and we realized something - the school keeper didn't unlock the 4th level toilet for us! which means we all have to walk through the staff lounge (which was a rather long walk), and down the stairs to 2nd level, then turn to the bend, down the stairs to the 1st level, then past the bookshop to reach the toilet. psst! if only my bladder could hold on for so long. that night was so horrific - i had this sore throat and that's why i keep drinking. and within like half an hour or so i needed the toilet. and i was like running up and down from the 4th to the 1st level (no wonder i have muscle ache).

171204_____*``~ =]
last day! i woke up at a very weird position - my body's all tilt in some matrix way, and i was kissing pris' hair. anyways, i ran all the way to the 1st level toilet, emptied my CRAZY bladder, got my contacts into my eye, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and went back to the 4th level to pack up. after that we had roti prata for breakfast. then we had this rehearsal, which we learnt the 'la musica' choreograph for opus'04. it was SO FUN. all of us were like insane, and ms tay's in a really good mood. after that we had our reflection and sharing, and that mini prize giving ceremony. all ended well. i'm happy. ms tay's happy. everyone's happy. :)

hmmm. i guess i won't blog my feelings towards this camp - it's kinda personal. anyways...

[pris. jer. jaz. baobao. yuwei. "daughter". kaixin. vaness. davin. xueting.]
nice working with you people. i'm sorry for being away during your holiday meetings. but please be understanding that i wasn't pon-ing the meetings - it's just i wasn't in singapore. and yea, you guys were great. hope to work with you people in the future. :)
[ms joy tay.]
thanks for the food (though i don't really like the weird chicken) and for making this camp possible. and thanks for being so patient towards us. God loves you! :D
[meixiu. shiqi. ling quan. ailing.]
you people make great leaders!
[grace(tan).]
thanks for helping out. without you the camp won't be going so well. oh ya, and help me thank your mum for the breakfast.
[jaz.]
thanks for sharing. love you babe!
[grace(lim).]
sorry for kicking you while we were sleeping.
[davin.]
yep. more tenors and basses.
[taufik.]
stop crapping. lol!
[mayne.]
miss you. alot.







.it was supposed to be me.

i'm so in love...














...but sadly, with myself.

wrapping herself in chiffon
thinking she was the goddess
but damned, really
she knew nothing, actually -
when there's no clue
and things just didn't go any further
things were already that way
only that she thought it was otherwise
she's a fool
not till,
unless,
she felt secured.

as it is the story, it happened one day in a park, when social work was done. he, the prince charming of the story, anthony, was there. and it happened that he met this girl, adeline there too. it didn't take long for them to become friends. they were not the only ones, though. their friends, parshier, the chaffeur, gracey, anthony's crush, and nathalie, adeline's personal assistant, were with them too. always. even as this story says that anthony and adeline were the highlights of this story, they were actually just friends. adeline took it too personally and the more stuff happened around her, the more she realized she's just living a dream. a dream full of lies, shattered hearts, and unrevealing truths. parshier was actually in love with gracey, and was trying very hard to go for her. and that anthony was half dead, just like when you're losing in a battle.
love is a battlefield.

(Cecily von Ziegesar)









.forget the goddess for she is not the one.

131204 Monday

[Mood: Bored]

let me blog yesterday's event. well, i went to church with my brother, and was almost late (9.58). it was rather empty, especially for the guys' side. wee! mengtian came. :D by the way, i told eileen about the "transfer" thing, and she was pretty upset about it. and for the whole time when edmund was leading the songs, she was like, nudging me and stuff. i'm not sure about it - maybe my "transfer" was only made 'cos i wanted an escape. anyways, after the singspiration, we played some games - the paper flipping game and the gift exchange (by the way, although this is a little out of point, does coloring your hair means you're a bad girl?). i don't know who got my zenzen soap dish. but i got this stuffed dog (i badly wanted the cow, you know. and i'm turning green. haha. just kidding.) went for choir after that. and that's when i know who is that "s" guy yisin's talking about. it's FREAKY. not literally, though. don't spell it. after that i went for service, and i sat with yisin and stelly. and yisin can't stop pulling the keychains out from my bag. dots! then we had this rehearsal for the peihwa thing. and seriously, i don't like that song. it's so 'auld lang syne'.

this week will be a very very busy week. after today i won't have any free time at all. firstly, i'll have a camp on 14 till 17. and then on 18 i will have the peihwa thing. on the 19, it is our church choir performance. whoa. and soon school is going to reopen. that's so soon! and i'll be taking my Os in a few months' time. so sad.


11 dec 2004
~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ReBeCcA
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU`* =]

12 dec 2004
~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JoShUa
HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO YOU`* =]

[scj^2]
i miss all of you! sarah, still in your cacoon? mayne - still on the border and stepping on stones with lgy? jer - how's your hand?

[buddy]
sorry i didn't have time for you. take care. don't mix with bad company too much okay?

[ain]
i miss you babe!

[daziree]
heyy. let's play hide and seek again. miss you aloott.

[eileen]
i'll think about it. don't worry, okay?







.should i stay or should i run away.

101204 Saturday

[Mood: Happy]

just came back from malacca. it's fun. but kinda disorganised.

went to westmall today with my bro, stelly, grace, corrine, veron, edmund and quanyong to buy gifts for tomorrow. and that's why we reached church late. after that veron, edmund, deb, and jiaming went home first. the rest of us went to bukit timah market to eat. xiaoli was there, but weird, i didn't see her. after that we went to grace's house. this is the funny part - stelly locked the door cos she's the last to get it. and the thing is, there's something wrong with the door - if we lock it, we can't open it. and in the end we have to get out through the window. LOL. lesson learnt: don't lock the door.

and hey, anonymous - it's not like i care or what. but stop being so mean la. and by the way, so? is that all you can come up with to say about me? psst. i'm much worser than that. :)





.lurking in the dark.

151204 Sunday

[Mood: High and Elated]

let me blog yesterday's stuff. went to church to meet stelly and chenglin to work on the camp booklets. phew. keep making mistakes! i was wondering who will be those 12 unlucky people who will get those default files. =x shhh. anyways, edmund and veron came afterwards. actually grace came too, but she was outside. office door: you can see the outside from the inside, but not the outside to the inside. and we were like looking at what she's doing. aww. that was a little evil. but anyways, the evil part's here - they called corrine and told her there's choir at 2 (it's at 4, actually). and corrine actually believed and changed her clothes in like 2mins' time and came to meet them. ouch. that's really mean. but yea, they had a good time after that. whilst i went home for my brother's 12th birthday party. all the kiddies. but anyways, there's this little girl and that little guy who bullied my dog! they pulled his hands and squeezed his balls. like, ouch? but yea, so i hid jojo in my room, and refused to let any kiddies enter. AND GUESS WHAT MY MUM SAID ABOUT ME? "don't be so gou-da la" verb; self-centered and selfish. like, hello? this is for my dog's own good. the worst thing is this - mummy and daddy led those IDIOTIC P KIDS into my room and they threw my COWS at my dog! 1, poor cows. 2, poor jojo. felt like smacking them. but what can i do? they're my guests. nope. my MUM's guests. damn them.

anyways, talked on the phone that night. thought about alot. maybe i really do suck alot. everything's my fault. that's how i've been in people's eyes anyway. even in hers and his.

hmmm. today's just the same. went to church. met stelly and chenglin. printed some stuff and filed in the pages. well, NO MISTAKES TODAY. YIPPEE. fellowship's a little weird today - no nothing. we just sat there, nodding and staring blankly at our teacher, zhengsheng. not much lame jokes and noises. silence. hmmm. the only people who were adding stuff in were only eileen, stelly, wanjie and i. the rest were like, almost dozing off. I MISS IDA!!!

*screams for world peace and started pulling hair and cried out in agony.*

luke and i were supposed to help my mum with her kiddy choir today. but it ended up we didn't have time for that. and there's this chubby retarded kid who said I'M LUKE'S GIRLFRIEND. big joke. hello? luke's my cousin. doh. well, went for junior choir after that. lucky we didn't sing hallelujah chorus today. that song's scary. don't spell that word. it's sort of nice to see ALOT of the junior choir members present. ALOT MORE than usual. and the atmosphere's great. had burger after that. yum. (but it doesn't taste AS GREAT as seasnails. hehe.)

HEY MY CHURCH FAMILY MEMBERS!!! grandma's talking now. on 111204 we have the christmas rehearsal at church, right? wanna go for a movie and lunch before we leave for that? list
any films other than 'polar express' and 'incredible tales' (stelly watched those already). give a reply wors. :)






.feeling so happily retarded.

031204 Friday

[Mood: Sick and Tired (not literally, though)]

stop calling me a loner just because i don't like hanging out with you guys.
and stop saying i'm anti-social just because i don't join in in those conversations.
stop calling me a weirdo just because i don't belief in love.
and stop saying i'm sentimental just because i recall what happened in the past and cry.
and stop calling me a loser just because i'm a realist.
stop thinking i should be oh-so-perfect and spontaneous just because i'm Dr.James Ng's daughter.
don't say i'm weak just because i can't take cars and boats, and fall sick more than once a year.
don't say i'm a show-off just because i prefer blouse, heels and formal dresses to tees and jeans and sneakers (please recall the china case).
don't say i'm going against God just because i didn't support certain church ministry.
don't say i'm stubborn just because i stick to my own decision.
don't say i'm stupid just because i didn't take up triple science.
don't think i'm anti-guys just because i haven't got myself a guy when all my buddies have got theirs.
don't call me a geek just because i watch national geography.
don't call me tasteless just because i support ayumi.
don't say i suck just because i prefer sylvester to taufik.
don't say i'm 'dao' just because i didn't reply your messages.
don't call me a mama girl just because i prefer going out with my mum than my friends.
dont' say i'm acting pretty just because i changed into contacts instead of sticking to my glasses, and that i do bring a comb along when i'm out.
never ever think i should be clever and be a straight A student just because my dad's got brains.
don't think i'm lesbian just because i look at girls and think they're pretty, and belief that guys shouldn't be existing (that cows should take their place instead).
don't think i'm petty just because i get jealous when my buddies chose their boyfriends over me.
don't think i won't get upset just because i smile when my friend isn't my friend anymore.
don't think i don't appreciate others just because i don't show it.
don't think i'm old-fashioned just because i don't play with poker cards.
don't think i'm a liquor-lady just because i do drink wine sometimes.

you can easily befriend me. but nearly impossible to really know me. for i don't speak. if i really do, there's a limit towards it. soulmate for exception. and if you're not a girl, it's minimal i'll have a substantial conversation with you. i can't start a topic when i'm forced to do so. and that proves something - i don't like being forced to do stuff i don't like to do. but i can get real down to work when i'm interested in it. i don't like being tied down. people find it hard for me to love. for it doesn't come freely. i don't like p men, mutated freaks, aunties, and walking dictionaries.

okay. it's weird now - i'm like talking about myself. hello, this is supposed to be a journal, not an 'about me' section.










.no matter what i am still a girl with an ego and pride.