To the dear Sarah Ho who claims that I haven't blogged for really long, which was true, hello to you from cyberworld. So old school.
2012 has set me thinking. Every new year I've been making unrealistic resolutions - and never got them resolved. This year I'm doing the same but I'm already trying hard to meet them.
Friendship. There are too many regretful and childish acts that I've done and I'm feeling really sorry about them. The one essential key to a long-lasting and trusting friendship, is effort. Something I've neglected and was too indolent to even try. So I told myself that I would make every effort to meet the people I've once loved but lost.
The thought of chatting and warming up with someone who used to be so dear to you sounds really distant and cold. I'm afraid. Afraid of the deafening silence, the awkwardness, the memories... How could someone you hugged and hanged with now seem so... prehistoric? Like some bygone ancient Someone. I definitely don't want to face that uneasiness when I meet them. And so with this fear I rejected every invitation to hang out. It didn't take very long for them to take my hint. Soon I was forgotten.
With this screwed-up mindset of mine, I lost Xinying. I lost Evelyn. I lost SCJ2. I lost Monkey and Buttocks. I lost Davidians. I lost everyone I loved. I've neglected the friendship we had, taken them for granted, and even hurting them. It's been so long and I no longer find the need to pull them all back again.
But this year I'm willing to try.
To the friends that reopened their hearts to me, thank you.
:-)
P.S. I started off the post with "February's gonna be wacky" and the more I typed, the more I got away from what I started off with. Yes, coming month is gonna be awesome - Our 4th anniversary, Valentine's, my 23rd, and A1/Blue/98Deg concert.
Tell me, you jealous or what?