Kate Moss, I'm not blaming you

Kate Moss, I'm not blaming you

It always, always happens when I feel constrained with work or people. It's as if I'm caged. I'd think that I'm a dirty and gross large bulk, and I'd want to bathe and starve myself that very minute.

At this moment, I can tell you, I feel like showering.

And now it's happening again - I'm once more gaunt-inspired, with the drive to suffocate myself with hunger. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling so overwhelmed that I want to just throw up.

That lack of self credence is not fading away no matter how many times I tell myself I'm capable, I'm beautiful.

But of course I'm not gonna diet. I want to live a healthy life - Physically, mentally, and spiritually; and it's all gonna start today.

:)




I wonder how long this drive is gonna last before I fall back into my old tracks. But well, at least I have a headstart.

GAH?!

GAH?!

Holy cow, that's a decaying cadaver Madonna.



Dear M. Publicist, you really think the pictures of Madonna looking like an over-trained gaunt thing were doctored?

We doubt.


[/edit] UPDATE!



Just
look
at
her
decomposing
hands.

Seriously, is she up with steroids?


[/edit]

You are my oohlala, my best friend. And friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Today's one of those days when I'm so busy I don't know what I'm doing.

You know, it's one of those days when you have lost all motivation.
One of those days when everyone else is celebrating but you're slogging your ass off.
One of those days when you're just marking off one task after another without the passion that you once had.
It's one of those days when you want to dump all your responsibilities aside.
And of course, it's one of those days when you feel like giving up and go to sleep for real.

I want to take a break :(
Just a short one will do.



I'm not that kind of person, and I never will be.

Red curtains fall

Red curtains fall

Wonder why you haven't been seeing me around? 'Cos I've been keeping this surprise for 9 months already.



I'm finally giving birth soon to my first baby girl! ;D

My baby shot me down

My baby shot me down

The worst feeling someone should ever feel besides betrayal,
is disappointment.

And I don't know why I'm awake at 5.30am.
Maybe I should just go back to sleep and this feeling will go away.

Unconfessed security guard

Unconfessed security guard

I love you, I love you
like a crazy person like a soldier
like a star of cinema
I love you, I love you
as a wolf, as a queen
as a woman that i'm not
you see, i love you like that





I'm upset 'cos you're a super big meanie today :(

Everyone's going home after dinner from AFP telecine (which went pretty okay) but Gina and I were still not satisfied and we want to hunt for dim sum. Instead of taking a bus down to some place, we decided to walk down a few more bus stops so we can talk and catch up.

And finally. 7-11. But all the food there are either a) too expensive, or b) very fattening, hurhurr. So we continued our "journey" down. Who knows - We walked and chatted all the way from Bencoolen to Marina. Hahahahh!

And then... We realized that it's super late already and we're gonna miss our last bus soon! But guess what - WE CAN'T FIND THE BUS STOP AT MARINA. @#$%^&* So eventually we walked around and asked a lil. Then there's this super nice bus uncle who fetched us to the bus stop we're going for free! ;D

I MISS YOU, GINACUTIE.

Stubborn

Stubborn

I went to the washroom four times in one hour. I think I have bladder issues.

I've been thinking a lot about my decisions lately and I thought, why not give myself a break and take things as it is? If things are meant to be, it will be. Besides, it's God's will, isn't it? I really, sincerely hope that Oxford didn't just make up 'Forever' for no reason. I'm sure it exist. :)

Well anyway life's been harsh, it's scary. I've been staying up and having extremely irregular sleeping hours. Sometimes my mind's so busy I can't get to sleep. If only I have someone to cradle me to sleep. Le sigh.

But well, to breathe is life. And for life, I celebrate!

Cheers to AFP!





Goodnight!

Emotionally drained

Emotionally drained

What are the extends will you go to merely to make me feel like the luckiest person in the entire universe even if it's just for a day?



Advanced Film Production (AFP) shoot's over! After 3 days overnight. I was so tired I can sleep for 3 days straight! Exaggerating. Worst of all is that I had a Documentary shoot the very same day after my AFP shoot wrapped. Ugh.

Anyway, two of my favourite people is now at my house. But they're telling me stuff I really don't want to hear.

Hush, little baby

Hush, little baby

So I took down my previous post. I think it's kinda too personal.
But well anyway I have shoots from tomorrow till end of this week! Keep me in your prayers okay! Loves :)

Many times she deludes

Many times she deludes

He haven't really, have he?
And you give out a loud sigh -
Of despair, of defeat, of desperation.

Can I cry, you asked.
Please, no.
But you cried anyway, like a little child.

"Your stagnancy is my defeat."

Oie Mr. Heng Yun.
See, I take your picture so nice and clear.
But you take mine till so... 栏 (lan; lousy) @#$%^&*

So today wasn't very nice. I didn't like my group mate yet I was compelled to work with her just 'cos nobody wants to adopt her into their group (even her buddies). I was so desperate I wanted to cry.

And so Superman saved my day! He brought me out and we...
...had Long John Silver's.
...went Borders to read their mags (for free).
...chilled at some ice cream parlor and played pick-up-sticks
(He damn lousy; or is it that I'm damn pro? Hahahahhh!)
...got tempted by some restaurant.

Hahahahahhh.
All I want, is to be happy :)

On without the things we've lost, the things we've gained we'll take with us.

On without the things we’ve lost,
the things we’ve gained we’ll take with us

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me; and I know there are no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

I'm happy :)



Different people takes different amount of time to get ready. And by saying that I am referring to getting ready to move on. Some takes a day, some takes years, some... well, never.

It's easy to examine if you've gotten over that something and move on completely. Be it a person, a pet, or an event, once you realize that you no longer show "interest" or "concern" over it, yes, you've really moved on.

It's like you find yourself stop visiting his/her blog, realize that he/she doesn't pop by your mind that often, and notice that you're not as concerned about his/her wellbeing as before... ...

However, if you find yourself doing the reverse of the above mentioned, then probably somewhere inside, subconsciously, you're still turning back.

And so I wondered: Do you move on before getting over, or do you move on after you've gotten over? Is there a definite answer for this or is it based on the individual? I go for the latter.

To my dear friends who are subconsciously struggling out there,
"Let go of memories and mementos. Put them away and hide them from your sight until you're ready to move on."

Happy face

Happy face

I woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I'm living, I'm able,
I'm breathing, I'm grateful
To put on my happy face


You're a happy face, lalalaa...

It never fail to amaze me how some people can be so proud to be shallow. They'll portray themselves to be party animals, type in such a way like they're high on drugs, with tons of photos of 'em hugging and kissing everyone, talk about branded bags and clothes all day long. You'll think they're such interesting and happy bunch of people, but after a while you'll start to think that they're pathetic. It's like they have lost their emotions and become a 2D character.

"How can someone be so intellectually dumb?"

If you tell yourself it's okay it will be okay

If you tell yourself it's okay it will be okay

Attn: To all my hardworking FSVians out there
Work hard and don't give up! Especially dearest Lam - You always have our support no matter what decision you are going to make on your script eventually :) To Cecilia and Derrick, I know you both can't sleep tonight. So drink more coffee and hopefully you can finish your floor plans soon and at least catch some sleep!

I think leaving Derrick in the middle of nowhere is love:

Aww, poor boy.

Derrick...
1. is a mad man :( I think maybe one day he'll grow mad and name his son Canon, Leica, or something along that line.

2. eats prawns only when someone peel them for him. Lazy cow.

3. looks especially cute when he gives that "Haiyo omg. I want to laugh but I try not to" kinda look.

4. has got a hot bod... hidden underneath his round tummy, hahahahhh!

5. looks like a nut when he tries to flare his nostrils, show his bunny teeth, and cross his eyes.

6. is a superman! HE GOT GOLD FOR NAPFA. See, I told you he's mad.

7. is... ONE OF THE WINNERS FOR SYPA! So proud of him ;D


MAD MAN NO.1, hoorah!

Goodnight all!

Sometimes I hide under the table

Sometimes I hide under the table

My stomach churns whenever I find out something that's of relation with what I've found out earlier. Why must people hide things from me and then tell me later that it's because they don't want to hurt me? I don't need that. You know why?

'Cos I'll probably find out anyway. And it hurts more that way.

And I hate this feeling so much I think I'm producing excessive gastric juice. But like what Cassie always tell (or nag at) me:

"Why you always want to know everything?! Sometimes ignorance is bliss."

Yes, curiosity kills the cat. But sometimes you just can't help it when it's just there without you even finding it. Especially when it's so much of a threat, your mind can't stop wandering around. What if my worries were real? And most of the time, they are.

Recently I keep getting these awful dreams which seem so real it's almost like in reality. I'd wake up with a drenched pillow or wake up terrified. It didn't help at all, Rica, by showing me that and telling me those nasty stuff.

Yes. Reality.

But really, I don't want to get out of this dream - Yet.
Please help me unravel it all.