Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day?
Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, yet can give a confident and dynamite presentation to a big audience, can be very sociable and chatty, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk?
Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate?
Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
That's me.
And that's how you spot an introvert.
I want to clear all your misconceptions about it.
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Firstly, Introverts are not necessarily shy or arrogant. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; but introverts generally are not. Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Introverts "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." (by Thomas P. Crouser).
For every hour spent on socializing, I need a double time to recharge my energy (or brain cells) by being alone. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.
"It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert."
So true.
Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.
But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion.
With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment.
But. Sadly. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality.
But we're not like that! I'm not!
And, being an introvert is not an illness, choice, or lifestyle. It's an orientation.
So please, don't look at us in a different light.
